This Christmas break home has been good for me. I’ve accomplished a lot in regards to tying up loose ends. But now that they’re tied, what do I do now?
Living my life without those prosprects in my life is unusual, out of the ordinary; painful. But I have also learned that where there is pain, there is healing.
But I was thinking about it. How do I know this is healing? How do I know this isn’t me wondering if I made a big mistake and I just want things to be the way they were?
So I thought about it. What does it feel like to heal?
You know I recently shredded far too many layers of skin off my ankle when shaving. At first I kept a bunch of antibiotic goo and giant band aides on it, but it needed oxygen I realized to really allow itself to get better. Covering it up only prolonged and protected the wound, but it really wasn’t allowing it to heal. So I took the covering off. At first I did everything I could to not let be touched. I wore shorter socks and rolled my jeans up. But I could not function properly without letting that part of my ankle to touched. As with winter its cold. So I can’t have my jeans rolled up or it just furthers the irritation I’m trying to avoid. Finally I let down the guard of my pant leg. Over the next week it does hurt, it itches and it is just darn right irritating. I see though as I continue to live my life without acknowledging the discomfort my wound is causing me, its healing. It takes everything in meto not scratch my itch because I know it will reopen the wound I’ve been trying so hard to let heal. I find myself wanting to nurture it. I want to show it off to people that I am hurting. Its those moments I am just irritating it all over again. It will not heal if I continue to shed light on the problem. All it needs is time and it will be good as new. Though it might have a scar for a while, it makes me who I am. It is character building and humbling at the same moment. It also serves as a reminded to not make the same mistakes I did previously.
In the end, that is what healing feels like. Victory over what once bound you and held you hostage in teh midst of your own mistakes and attempts to forget it ever happened. But I won’t forget it happened. I am glad for this. I know now many things I never considered prior to this event.
1) Don’t buy that brand of razors again. (Its given me more problems than just my ankle)
2) Be patient and don’t rush what deserves to have time spent on it.
3) See value in myself and all my appendages that come with it. :]
4) I don’t have to have my hand on everything for it to turn out right.
5) Pain is not in existence to make you hurt, but to caution you for the better.
6) Time and patience don’t heal anything.
Time and patience merely guide you through the healing. But the healing arrives when you least expect it. Mainly, because you have finally set your sights on something more important and worth your energy. Yes, occasionally you’re reminded of the wound. But you now notice you don’t bask in its discomfort as you once did before.