Motivation.

So I have found my motivation to be myself.

Without him in my life I felt like he took away who I am. But I’m realizing its on the contrary… I am finding who I am. I am motivated to go places, see people and do things I was too lazy to do before. Or I would hold back in hopes of us being more than we are. I can’t believe I almost gave up my dreams in accordance of being with him. How could I ever find it to be worth it?

I’ve known for a long time he was never the friend to me that I was to him, but it seems to be a reoccuring theme amongst most of my best friendships. But its life and its what you do to deal with it.

I had myself convinced I was 100% happy. Wow what a lie that was to myself. He said all the right words, seemed to do all the right things, but I realized I was the one who did everything and somehow he made it seem like it was him. And so on an so forth. Maybe he’s happier with her. Maybe because she has no limits, no restrictions, no standards. But I have standards, and i’m proud of it. I have respect for my parents. These are the people who gave everything for me. He never seemed to understand that.

Wow is all I can say. That, and thank you Raul. Thank you for giving me the motivation to live a life without you in it. And I’m on the road to happiness. I’m not there yet, but I know its coming. Now its my turn to feel sorry for you. Caz you have no idea life can be this good. You won’t let yourself have a taste of it. You just keep holding back. I dunno why, I just don’t know why.

bn

P.s. I’m not taking you back–ever.

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