i don’t feel like sleeping tonight

I want to know who got in his head and convinced him to hate me this much. Like he was so aggitated that I ignored him he felt so strongly to go out of his way to send me a message to tell me I was being rude.

I have not talked to him in 2 months, but he feels the need to tell me I’m rude. Thanks dad. seriously. And I continually let him get in my head. Time. After time. After time.

Why? I dunno. Caz I’m a stupid girl.

I really believe this is going to be another situation, where a year from now one of us will be able to look back on everything and say, “wow! what a dousche I was!” and then apologize and tell them, “you never deserved that. I treated you wrong” and then want to reconcile and make everything better.

Thats what shannon did. It took him and entire year to apologize to me; to really realize he hurt me that bad. Too bad it was too late. He’d still like another chance… that was 4 years ago.

Stev did that too. he apologized. He never asked for another chance though. Which is okay, I don’t want another chance. Not because I dislike him, but becuase I don’t see us ever working out. We are much better as friends, and I respect him in that way. Only i should delete the pics of us, there is not point in keeping them. But for some reason, I just can’t. Creepy I know.

Then face. yea. I just can’t let him go. But he changed too. Apologized and did a complete 180! That is a rarity. Girls make excuses all the time. “OMG HE CHANGED, HE LOVES ME” and it was only 3 weeks before he was cheating on her, and then he’s back to doing it again. But in 3 weeks someone changes? yea… I don’t buy it.

Face did change. It took him a year, but he woke up. I’m scared its another case of the lost cause though. Will it end like shannon and stev? I dunno. it could.

And then boy…. oh boy… Looking at it the way it is now, it will never get better. But I looked at shannon, stev and face the same way. There is potential to be friends again. But I will NEVER consider dating him again. Not after the way we have treated each other as friends. I don’t think I can respect him the way he should be respected after everything that has happened. I mean everything could change in due course. But we’re looking at another 10 months for the apology stage to take place.

Remember, it is usually a year in between conflicts for things to get better.

I hate it. All of it.


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