sometimes i wish i didn’t have to stop writing… like i just want to keep writing forever… its theraputic… it makes me feel better….

i can cry while staring at my computer screen and for some reason it just makes me feel better. its like it is the only think that fully listens to me. Its my way of talkin to God too. Like I am writing down my prayers? Who says I have to be on my face all the time to talk to God? He hears me just when I am talkin to Him like this… right God? See?! I knew it ! 🙂

God I’m ready to be better. I’m ready to take you seriously. I’m ready to find true priority in what you want for me. God I feel like writing my feelings down is the only way I can focus long enough to say what I want to say. To talk to you about how I feel and how appreciative I am for what you are doing in my life. God you are the one making me strong! No one else makes me feel the way you do and I am so so so THANKFUL for it. God I miss FAce and you know I do. Lord, just keep doing a work in his life please. Please continue to work on him each day. Put people in his life that make him realize that you are the more important bigger picture. God I trust you. I know you will take care of Him. God I remember your promises and I am not letting them go. Lord I am going to continue to pray for him if its the last thing I can do. Lord I need your help too. I cannot do this alone and you are the only one I have that truly knows and understands me. Even my best friend doesn’t know me like you. But then, you are my best friend Lord. I will never have another friend like you. And I thank you so so so much Lord. I do not deserve to have a God as amazing and wonderful as you. Lord I thank you for the struggles and obstacles you have put in my life. I am seeing now that they have happened to build character, trust, faith, and wisdom in me. Lord there is none like you, and I thank you for hearing my prayers Lord, I thank you for loving me even when I do not deserve it. Lord I want to know you more.  I want a deep and real relationship with you Lord. No more phony I’m a christian bull crap. I want something real. I want you, Lord. I want all of you.

 

bn

 

Lord, remember boy too. Theres something about me he just can’t let go of. I don’t knwo what it is that makes me different Lord. Lord I want to say its you in me that makes me different, but what about the other Christian girls I know. I don’t see boys swooning over them. Maybe my personality is way too open and i really do lead people to believe there is more than what it is, and i don’t mean to. Its just how I am. You know I tell them up front not to expect anything and they still do! What am I to do? keep to myself? not talk to them? What? Lord? WHAT?    I’m tired of hurting people Lord. I’m so tired of it! I’m tired of not being able to be good friends with a guy and hav ethem not like me. Its like I just may as well not try to be friends with them int he first place. Caz as soon as I become friends with soemone else the other one gets jealous and its so annoying! I am nobodys woman! Not even Faces! yet I can’t escape out of the grasp of feeling like I have to check in with someone for it to be okay to hang out with someone else tonight, and i feel like I have to explain who each adn every friend is, and how i know them, and what their intentions are before I can pass through the check point with them.

I’m just tired of it. I’m tired of feeling tied down.

I’m tired of it.

And people wonder why I don’t have a boyfriend? Maybe caz I always feel like I can’t get the old baggage off so why would I want to add more on.

sometimes I hate this,

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