work, work, work

so do i work too much?   i’m pretty sure i had like 5 people ask me today if i was okay…. like they did that whole, pause, look me in the eye, give me those pursed concern lips, and then sigh like they dont believe me when i say i’m fine… or i’m just tired… and then they always in some way, shape, or form reply with a comment referring to me “working too much”… or i need to “slow down”… or HERES THE KICKER… “have you seen your parents lately”…. I LIVE WITH MY PARENTS…

but then i started thinkin… it pretty much was a couple days ago…

i need not be so busy…. i need not hang out with face anymore either… he is wat really stresses me out most times brings me down… hes like the little devil on my shoulder challenging the little angel… and unfortunately… i hear the devil alot louder 😦    

its really tough trying to live like a Christian. its really hard trying to live by the Word and Holy Spirit, caz I live in the world! i go to school out in the world! i work in the world!    MY LIFE is litterally like throwing a lamb out in the middle of a pack of wolves and sometimes the only way it seems possible to survive is to pretend to be a wolfe so not to get eaten alive.   

its just really hard.. i’m used to being invisible, i’m used to going somewhere and people not noticing me… its alot less pressure that way… but then guess what… someone introduces, or i say something funny and then before ou know it… people know me. haha   it actually scares me when people know me and i have no idea who they are but yea…. whatever…    anywayz…. HA! i remember high school when nobody liked me! HA   well they liked me… like some people did. not very many did… haha   i was weird… but thats just funny stuff now caz i dont care… that was life then… 😀   

life is good to me though… i do love life. its really good to me. i have a great family. no its not great ITS AMAZING. i have awesome friends. (most of them lol) i have great encouragement from my friends from chruch…. and its nice to know that i have support and encouragement from people i dont even talk to…. its crazy how much people care about others… like i know how i care about people and i know how i pray for people and think about people, but then i dunno, i guess at times i just think i’m unique caz i wonder if people care for or put as much thought into others as i have…. i’m not saying my thoughts or time is above anyones, i just wonder how others are made up or what they think of…. like i like giving to people… haha i love giving to people… if i didnt have to use my checks to pay bills i would spend all my money on other people just caz i like to do things to make them happy… and i know money doesn’t buy happiness, but i caz use my money to create little reminders that i’m thinkin about them and care about them….   ANYWHO!

enough rambling now… my thoughts are kinda goin in pointless circles…

*love *love everyone

bn

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