the reasons i hurt…

like i understand that i have issues that i need to deal with, but those are my issues! i hate hate hate hate when people feel like they need to lie to me just to make me feel better or to avoid conflict…

its like whats the sense and dignity in that? like i dont care that he made out with her… i knew something happened anyways caz i’m female and i know those things, but he feels he has to lie to me caz theres that jealousy line of best friends and “exs” and its like yea… but dont call me your best friend and then say well i cant tell you things. i told him i dont care i freakin dont care. and then he’s like well its for this reason caz you start cryin and take it personal. and i’m like i’m not takin it personal! of course i’m gonna get jealous, but its becuase i care about you. but thats also the point where it becomes my problem and i gotta deal with things   key words are MY PROBLEMS….  you know i’m not perfect either…. but im not making it such a big deal of things either… if he asked me a question, i’m not gonna lie to him. i’ll tell him straight up. but he just constantly feels like he has to lie to me to protect my feelings when hes really only truly hurting them becuase he is lying. its like WTF!

i dont understand. if i dont tell him things its caz he doesn’t care. and i know he dont care. which makes me sad too caz if hes pretty much a woman trapped in a man’s body regarding his emotions then its like hes gotta care. but you know if he dont ask or show any interest then why do i feel i need to tell him things about my life that matter… you know? it just doesnt make any sense to me. i’m not gonna volunteer information to people about things they dont care about…  its like me going to ali and being like hey my friend josh at school cheated on his gf… its stupid! especially caz she dont even know them… like y would she care so it defeats the purpose in telling her to begin with. he always says he doesn’t care so y should i tell him anywayz. caz even if i do tell him he’ll never remember regardless so i’d be wasting both of our breathes. mostly a waste of everyones time… but i’ll be the first to say… if he wants to know anything about me then just ask… dont sit there and wait for me to volunteer informaiton… and if its something i dont wanna tell him. then i’m gonna say, hey! i dont wanna tell you… i’m not gonna be like oh! it was like this and i’m gonna lie like that and btw ERONEOUS!   yea…. exactly…  

i can honestly say i’m trying my best… i dont have to be friends with him… i could make other people happy and just drop him like hes hot… but thats not wat i wanna do… and if i didnt wanna be his friend i woulda just told him… so i dont understand y he would think that through everything that we’ve been through that if i haven’t walked out on him now… y would i over something petty like this?

got some great trust in his friends… im just offended that he really thought that of me



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