i’m pretty much feel like i hate raul right now… like i don’t hate him… but i feel like i hate him… i pretty much just don’t care anymore…. i’m hurtin alot right now nad he doesn’t see it and he’s still hiding stuff from me and i could be very very wrong… but with all the information i have to work with i have every right to feel hurt, and betrayed, and lied to  and just flat out not cared about at all….

so y am i goin on with this? i dunno…. in my heart i’m not …..like in my heart he’s not my boyfriend, he’s just raul that i happen to suck face with…. like the whole friends w benefits thing where i get jealous but my opinion of jealous or feelings don’t really count, i’m just there to accompany him in his spare time……..   i put myself through this EVERY SINGLE TIME….. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.     theres no one out there good enough for me… and if they are… then i’m by far not good enough for them… so i should just quit and stop trying… and the thing is i don’t even try… they just come to me, start out decent and then just stop caring about me after while… they all do! ALL OF THEM!! i am fantastic for a while like how could i not have noticed you sooner then after several months they’re bored and was like omg why did i even waste my time, i need something new…. and i was just another girlfriend, or just another person, or just a memory, or just another nobody that someone will see on their contacts list later in life and be like o yea… i wonder how they’re doin…. but never, ever call…..

bn

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