I don’t understand things sometimes……. I just don’t know, they act like they can treat me however they want, but they can’t, they can’t force me do anything, I won’t play basketball if I don’t wanna, I’ll play softball if I want to, its my life I’ll do what I want, if you have a problem kick me out of the house, I dare, you…. you’d be doing me a favor, I got plenty of people I can live with, and they’d be happy to take me in, you want the care.. fine give me my money back! do what you wnat if thats the case, but i want out! i have my plans, say good bye when i’m 18 and free, caz you won’t be seein much of me!

i’m torn in the middle, one way is saying no one cares, have fun be free, be yourself, but then other side is saying,  you know who you really are, are you really being yourself, i’m not….. i’m like split personalites, my mind adjusts to the enviroment i’m in and then i’m cool…… i don’t like that, i want to be one or the other….. i don’t really know if i’m lookin forward to this year,  ya its my senior year, but i don’t know if i’m ready to grow up, but i have to, i’m being pushed in while i’m grasping door frames to stay in my comfort zone, ya i hate it here, but its my comfort zone, and i’m not ready to be pushed out of it, i’m not ready to grow up, i’m not ready to have to be mature and worry about bills and jobs, i wanna be 8 again, where life was amazing and everything was everyone else’s worries….. time to be!

things have been patched up with kk tonite!! yeah, we talked about jr. high and we were stupid and we apologized to each other and i think it was a big thing for us like a maturing in our friendship kinda thing, ya i know, i don’t wanna grow up and be mature, but i think this one was neccesary, see, what i mean, i can’t make up my mind tho…. oh well, we now see our friendship on a different level, and its kool

i’m confused still, ok i’m not really confused i know what i have to do about shannon but do i wanna….. yes and no, i do like him, sometimes its like a really good friend who i can talk to and laugh with anytime, but then when i visualize our talk and how i’m gonna say everything, its like the things that i like/liked about him come flooding back, ya its just cute stuff but still…. i’m in a pickle!! i need to talk to him and get it over with, then i’m done dating for a while….. maybe…. we’ll see what life brings us!!

too much to do. life is stressful at 17!! ahhhh, i’m not lookin forward to 18 ok maybe i am a little, i’m hopin for a 12 o’clock cerfew!! omg this is pathetic!! i’m 17 and still have to be in at 11 i’m not 12 and i haven’t really done anything to break anyones trust. i’m responsible but-no!!!! i’m a horrible child!! i’m so freakin “sheltered” its gay, as long as i stay in the house and don’t meet new people and have fun, well then maybe i’ll stay their little stupid girl forever, well i don’t want to–STOP!!!!!! i hate it, let me grow up caz i’ll be outa here b4 they know it!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH


am i pouting or do i have a reason to vent like this!?

no worries…no regrets…just live like we’re supposed to and it’ll be all good


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