You know, I’ve been thinking….. if I died today, what things would I leave unfinished, what friendships would I leave un repaired, and how many enemies would I have feeling bad for hating me? What would people say about me if I died, my best friends. what would they do, my family…. what would they find in my room while cleaning it, what kind of life would they think I lived just by what my room tells them, the old diaries, the poems, the old notes from friends, old notes from boyfriends, times where I  was upset and wrote horrible things about my dad, and my sister…. I wouldn’t want to leave them the burden of cleaning my room…… would people look at what they find and say I left my life happy? sad? confused? lost? or excited from knowing that I’m going “home”?? why do I live the way I do, not as if everyday could be my last, but putting it off to fix tomorrow, well one day my tomorrow won’t come and I’ll be leaving everyone to clean up my messes and fix my problems and figure out my life for me. I don’t want that, so I’m going to say everything I need to say here and now, that way one day if I die, and they find this site they can have peace………….


To my family– I’m sorry for ever being a brat, and not listening to you, and not fully being the daughter i could have been….. but i thank you so much for  raising me the way you did, i learned everythign from you guys and i love you to death….


 


ok i thought about this, and if i die today, then thats Gods will, and he’ll sort out the rest of what happens here on earth, i shouldn’t ahve to let everyone know how i feel about them…… how about this i love you all, through the good and bad…. sometimes i was stupid, but you were there fro me anywayz, thanks fro being great people….. i hope my life was used as a vessel to show God’s love, if i did not give off his glory, well i’m sorry and i pray that something that is said in the future about my life will!!  God bless…….


bn

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