breaking free

Uprooting previous pain I realize is a good thing. Because what I once covered up and pretended wasn’t there just led be to be dysfunctional in the way I thought, acted and made decisions. Now its coming back to the surface, I can deal with it, scrub the wound and let it heal properly.  The BEST part about a wound healing properly… there is rarely ever a bad scar to remind you it was ever there. And if there is a scar that remains visible, it just makes me thankful it wasn’t sooo much worse. 

“God take this pain I’m feeling and help me to deal with it and let it go. Help me to see it clearly and not hide it. Open my eyes to every part of my life it has been touched and affected so you can help restore every nook and cranny of my broken heart. Its not easy. There are moments I’m fine and moments it just hurts so bad all over again. I don’t know how I let it be this awful to begin with. 

Teach me to distain evil. Teach me to reject sin. Give me wisdom to know how to deal with situations in a respectful manner. Give me wisdom to know when to listen and when to speak. I ask you continue to remove these temptations from my life that are so wicked. I don’t want them, I don’t want to be defined by them. I don’t want others to define you by them. I want to be your living example. That others SEE YOU through my life. God please use me! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE use me!”

Britt 

 

home

can i go home now?  please please please can i just go back to the way they were?  please please please?

 

😦   weary, tired and alone

i feel like leaving home forced me to rip out a part of myself

but i guess that was the whole point, right God? the tearing apart and circumcising of the heart? breaking me down to be closer to you?  well its working

 

and i know i saw i want to go home, but I thank and praise you that I am here. Don’t let me leave and please don’t take me away from here. you’re doing so much and I really can’t thank you enough for being mindful of me! 

I need you more than I need breath and life itself. Please open my eyes and continue to tear apart my old heart and old flesh and crave and seek after you. Wow I need you. and I’m realizing more and more and more you’re really all I got.

bnheart

 

My own version of 10 things I hate about you.

I hate pandas, penguins, hondas and michael buble, 

I hate snuggling and cooking and going to the park on a good day,

I hate fighting and texting and writing you letters

And not talking to you doesn’t make it any better

I hate Panama, New York, Virginia too

Even worse I hate Ohio because of you

I hate your friends, dressing up, and all of college

I hate photos, my name, and what only you called it

I hate skateboards, busted knees, dc and zumez

I hate myspace, facebook, and love twitter because you didn’t

I hate being sneaky, and sexy, and american holidays,

I hate that telephone pole, rice, and red hyundais

I hate accents, polo shirts, brown skin, brown eyes and brown hair too,

Even worse, this is all what I loved about you.

 

bn

 

How do I let go?!

 

Dallas

I just got home from Dallas Texas today.  I’m not going to lie… A year ago I had NO IDEA I’d be where I am now, working for this company I didn’t know existed and just getting home from Texas.  

 

My life is totally different from what I thought it’d be or what I planned it to be.

I guess thats what happens when you let God reign in you. Now I still fight Him often and do what I want over His will, but….  He got me to PA, He can get me anywhere then :]

 

Yay God!

bnheart